things that make me happy

Lately life is a bit scary. Mostly when I stop doing. When I am busy at work or playing with Willow, pr cleaning or reading or making food I'm okay. Better than okay actually, very grateful to be alive and experiencing all of these things that make up life.

In the spaces in bween, when things slow down I am sometimes sad. Sometimes painfully sad and sometimes scared. Sad because I miss my dad and I know that I I will never hold his hand again and that this year, he won't show up with a Christmas tree and Lush soap, to sharea glass of wine and tell us stories about air traffic near disasters, his travels or the latest family gossip.

Sometimes in those spaces I get scared because I know that I am mortal now and death is not fair or patient or predictable.

When I'm scared and sad, momments like these carry me through.

Gardening

One of the best parts of the new house is the backyard. The other night Auntie Emily came over and we moved the raspberry bushes and planted some lettuce. So far we've done a good job watering every night.

New Living Room!

After some awesome tag-team we scored some kick-ass livingroom furniture on the kijiji.

Precious time

The weekend before dad died, I was lucky enough to spend precious time with him and four of my sisters.

Sometimes, today, I am so mad that I won't get to spend more time with dad, that I will not share another meal with him or hear another of his stories. But i am trying very hard to focus on the good that has come from his life. My sisters are all amazing women and they are my dad's greatest gift to me.

Together, we can keep the family going, keep the stories and the memory of dad alive. We can make new memories, share laughter and support each other. Share meals and good wine.

To my sisters, I love all of you. I am holding you close in my thoughts. Thank you for your support ans for sharing tears and laughter ( sometimes so inapropriate ; ) ) with me these past weeks. Please know I cherish you.

Dad

I love you dad. I love camping trips in Algonquin park, the way you ate the too thick powdered eggs and made me carry the canoe. I love your love of good food, good wine, good scotch, good steak. I love your curly hair and red beard, your kind sometimes so intense eyes. I love your solid hugs, your firm hand holding mine, your strength. I love the way you held my daughter so still and patient, watching her sleep.

Thank you for the long talks, though we don't always agree, for the appreciation for the delicious and the beautiful. Thank you for your love, sometimes expressed in hugs, sometimes in microwaves and TVs.

I love you dad, and I always will. You live on in me, my sisters and the eyes of my daughter that smile back at me with a spark that I know is yours.

love always,

Kitten

Hello to mommy in Edmonton

What do you do when mommy is out of town and it's Friday night?

Two words:

dance party!

The Garden

The flowers are bloomin! Here are the tulips mostly. We also have
rhubarb
strawberries
blackberries
onion
chives
thyme
mint
daffodils
radish
cilantro
ferns
crab apples
roses
and lots of stuff I have yet to identify ..


I love weeding the garden, sitting out back and looking at it and through it. I love picking rhubarb and stewing it right away. Ray and Parise have contributed Thyme and Chive, Emily added radish and cilantro and Arrow planted borrage. It's like a living quilt! We are planning to square foot garden parts of it under Emily's guidance. I think the garden is way favorite part of the new house!