Things I learned

There are no pictures yet - W is away for a bit and he has the computer with the pictures- there will be lots to see though!
In the meantime, I wanted to share a bit of what I learned this week, so that I don't forget for the next time.

1. Ask questions. A was having trouble the second day with mini meltdowns. at work that night, I had a discussion with a friend a mine, a straightforward sailor type. Our politics don't always match, but his parenting advice was a gift.

"Ask her what she's afraid of" he told me. " When people are angry they are usually afraid of something. Help her with that. A kid's job is to be a kid and have fun. A kid's job is to learn," he added " but mostly to have fun, and learning should be fun too. Remind her of that. "

So A and I had a chat the next day, which is private, between her and I. But I learned a lot, modified my approach and reminded her to be a kid. From then on, I asked the kids why when they were frustrated and "Is there anything you need to help?" I also asked " what is a good solution?" and helped them problem solve. It takes longer than a direct order but is more likely to lead to a workable solution.

2- Listen to the answers. Take the time to listen to what the kids are saying *carefully*. They may not know why they feel the way they feel. But you can help them find a solution. also, i found that it made less work for me sometimes.

3- Do everything with love. Redirecting frustration, cooking dinner, doing dishes, going on outings, sending kids to their room to calm down .. do it with love. it feels calmer.

4 - take time for yourself - five minutes for a coffee and food - in that order i admit - saved my life. i figured out that i needed time too in my whirlwind house and that i could take it.

5- take time with each of the kids alone when you can. I didn't fully suceed in this but A and I did get some reading time and some swimming time in. m and read some books alone too - I think it helped us connect.

I'm not a perfect (step)mom but i am willing to learn. i just wanted to share the valuable lesson, write it down and remember it.
ask
listen
love
learn

pictures and tales of pirates, dinosaurs and swimmers to follow. All my love.