Rachel's Cooking: Hootenanny Pancakes

Rachel's Cooking: Hootenanny Pancakes

Our last big breakfast before the kids go back, with caramelized apples for A.

Undercover

Happy birthday dad

Yesterday was your birthday Dad. We had a piece of cheesecake, lit a candle and sang happy birthday. Odd, I know, because as an adult i never once had birthday cake with you. What can I say? Grief demands ceremony. I left my last bite for you. We had greek on wheels because I have fond memories of sharing that with you when you visited.

I still miss you Dad. I get odd in the days before your birthday, father's day and the day you passed. I still feel regret that we didn't spend more time together as adults. I think you knew how much I love you but I wish I could be certain. I wish I hadn't expected perfection from either of us and had seen us as acceptably fallible.



Yesterday I focused on remembering you. I don't have any pictures and the more time passes, the more memory will fade. I thought about


- fishing with you, swimming off the rocks at Frontena
- eating clams for the first time with you
- the night steph was born - your shirt ripped and bloody from an intense labour
- So many meals: chinese food, wing night, the noodles you hung in the laundry room
- you tucking me into bed - even once on a visit when I stayed the night
- thanksgiving in the hotel room in Ottawa - you brought my wee kitten ( Kit Kat ) and made a litter out of a turkey pan. You made portebello mushrooms because i was a veg
-eating cheesecake with you at Disney world - the buffet was endless. I think you let me eat as many pieces as I could.
- You teaching me to ride a bike - at age 11!
- going up to the air traffic control tower on bring your daughter to work day
- Smells: the smell of your old spice in the morning - always comforting; the smell of you all sweaty after a run - salty.

I remember other more painful things, like how you travelled a lot and how I missed you so much. How you seemed like you needed to hit the road and didn't always say goodbye. But I don't mention those things to be petty. You were not perfect is all I want to say. You weren't perfect and I still love you Dad. Dave Mihill I wish you were not gone. I hate that you are gone. I love you with all my heart and I wish you a happy birthday, singing tunelessly from the top of my lungs.

I'm out of breath and you're still gone, but you are not forgotten David Mihill, Dad.

Silly chicken

This is Ws favourite right now. We love it because, well, chicken! Also though, the child narrator is not sugary but curious, jealous and sometimes fierce; she threatens the chicken on one occasion just like real kids do. The pictures are gorgeous and bright, some full of detail. Silly chicken has plot twists, sadness and joy.

Snow day - best day ever!!!

Today was the best day ever. F stayed over and both he and little W shuffled/ stomped into my room at 6:45 " Kaffy/ Mommy is it it Christmas?" After a groggy "Hunh?" and some real fear that I had pulled a Rumpelstiltskin, I figured out it had snowed buckets during the night. Happy happy kids - and since I am not commuting right now, happy happy me. They headed out to the back yard to play before breakfast and had maple syrup on snow. Then a short break for more substantial food, and some fort/ trap building then out to build a snowman.

We went looking for rocks for the eyes and found neighbour kids who were building a snowasaurus so we all joined in and got invited back for cocoa. With marshmallows!!

Finally, Sarah came by with lunch and we showed her our fabulous creations before heading to the ball pit at IKEA.

Perfect snow day!

growig up!

Little A is growing up fast, cultivating her fluffy gingerness, crawling, standing, grabbing and eating all the things; some food, some not. Little W loves being a big sister while teaching the wee one she is learnig about words and sounds and writting. Mostly nonsense lists for the grocery store that include broccoli, carrots and ice cream, but also her name, with the letters in no particular order. Sarah brought over a ukulele, and she really enjoyed strumming it, and playing a c chord so maybe a trip to the folklore centre is in order, so she and Papa can play together.

Farmhands!

For the longest time I've wanted to be a wwoofer - willing worker on organic farm - and the last two weeks I've been lucky enough to head up to Mariposa farms with Emily and Tarek to help harvest. The hours in the fresh sunny air with the pigs and chickens, geese, horses cows and veggies made me so relaxed and happy. Lovely. Miraculous.

a visit with ma tante Paule

life is not fair - just precious

Today I found out that another friend tried to end her life last night. We are not close - twitter friends who I have met once or twice but I want her to know that I love her. I love her because she is human and fallible and she is worthwhile because she exists. Not because she has her won business, cares about her children, sews, cooks, ensures the safety of babies and kids. None of those things matter. She is worthwhile because she is. simply. I hope she stays with us. I would miss her if she left. I am frustrated to read comments about how her children need her, how leaving would not be fair. I don't think she is trying to hurt her children. She is not dumb - she knows they need her. I don't know why she wanted to leave but I don't think blame will help. I could be wrong. I just had to get this out there - if I were a praying girl I would pray that she decides to stay, that she finds peace here with us. I would pray that she know that she is worthwhile because she is. I am thinking of you friend though I don't fully understand.

140 characters at a time

I gave up Facebook social media for the month of November because I was starting to think in status updates and tweets, 120 characters at a time. Not that this is bad or good but I was compelled, checking twitter and Facebook before bed and first thing in the morning. I wanted to see if I could reset my brain and see what the effects of less social media would be. Right now, I'm stay at home momming social media does help me feel connected to grown ups so I was worried about losing that connection.

So far so good and I really feel like I'm getting lots done, am more clear headed and not compelled to sit at the computer. I'm still feeling connected to people I know though I do miss some of my online friends and I think that when the month is over I'll go back, just less often.

With the extra minutes that I would usually steal for surfing I have been decluttering the house, one zone at a time - no pictures of that because I'm doing it gradually and not stopping to record play show and tell - but it is awesome let me tell you!

I have knitted a pair of slippers, pictured below. @Mudmama sent me the pattern. My next pair will be for Willow and slightly felted in real wool.






I'm also painting with Willow lots. This one she did herself today and she took the picture.



This I took inspired by a video Willow took of the paints.



I guess my analysis so far is that giving social media has given me the time and energy to do more and create a bit. More to show for less tell? I do miss my friends and sharing recipes, events, and virtual compassion.

Any thoughts to share? Leave a comment. I do miss sharing ideas online!

Happy 11th Birthday Arrow!