Happy 10th Birthday Arrow!

Family BBQ

Today was a beautiful day - we hung out as a family all day long. Usually on weekends I'm an impatient morning person, up and out with Willow before Wes' feet have hit the floor but this morning I decided against all reason to head to the museum of Nature because Willow had asked for the Dinosaur museum so many times and this weekend is the grand re- opening. So at 10:10, I ran upstairs to tell Wes were leaving in ten minutes - and he stumbled out of bed ready to go - on the condition that coffee be provided. Awesome.


So we get there, and there is a lineup. No, a LINEUP, around the block, barricades and all. The deal was that Willow would see dinos but I DON'T do lineups. A promise is a promise though, so we took her to see the dino statues outside. She climbed them and ran around and then with the promise of a Popsicle we headed to our old favorite park. I love two - no need to mend a broken heart, I got off on a technicality and a frozen treat.

The park was awesomely full of kids and she played and climbed and Wes and I chatted under a tree, drinking coffee. I wouldn't have planned to go all the way downtown to a park - but it was wonderful. Comforting to be back in old stomping grounds, doing something free and relaxing.

I love the new hood - but you can't beat the energy and diversity of a good old downtown park. Basketball game playing, full of kids, music ...

When we got home after a quick stop at Perfect books, where Willow and I had our own little story time and she got to pick a book - the fabulously simple but perfect two year book " Me hungry" , we spent the evening BBQing with Mike , Jehn and Dudley.

See below for hilarity, staring the wagon, the dog, and the ever high energy Jehn.



A dog and his bone. and ball. Wet ball. He kept dropping it in his water bowl and then wondered why we didnt want to throw it...



Uncle Mike in a wagon with Willow. Comfy but according to the crowd not a real radio flier as you can't steer it careening down a hill.



Party time!




"Look, a monster!" This is a good thing around here...





Super toddler tries to move a mountain -- well a Mike.



Ice cream!



Hiding from the monster...

backyard swing

We have a back yard swing! In preparation for the good times of summer, we picked up this snazzy wooden prate swing - it will be set higher when the big kids get here and probably move to the front yard for higher swingage - but for now Willlow loves her hidden treasure.

things that make me happy

Lately life is a bit scary. Mostly when I stop doing. When I am busy at work or playing with Willow, pr cleaning or reading or making food I'm okay. Better than okay actually, very grateful to be alive and experiencing all of these things that make up life.

In the spaces in bween, when things slow down I am sometimes sad. Sometimes painfully sad and sometimes scared. Sad because I miss my dad and I know that I I will never hold his hand again and that this year, he won't show up with a Christmas tree and Lush soap, to sharea glass of wine and tell us stories about air traffic near disasters, his travels or the latest family gossip.

Sometimes in those spaces I get scared because I know that I am mortal now and death is not fair or patient or predictable.

When I'm scared and sad, momments like these carry me through.

Gardening

One of the best parts of the new house is the backyard. The other night Auntie Emily came over and we moved the raspberry bushes and planted some lettuce. So far we've done a good job watering every night.

New Living Room!

After some awesome tag-team we scored some kick-ass livingroom furniture on the kijiji.

Precious time

The weekend before dad died, I was lucky enough to spend precious time with him and four of my sisters.

Sometimes, today, I am so mad that I won't get to spend more time with dad, that I will not share another meal with him or hear another of his stories. But i am trying very hard to focus on the good that has come from his life. My sisters are all amazing women and they are my dad's greatest gift to me.

Together, we can keep the family going, keep the stories and the memory of dad alive. We can make new memories, share laughter and support each other. Share meals and good wine.

To my sisters, I love all of you. I am holding you close in my thoughts. Thank you for your support ans for sharing tears and laughter ( sometimes so inapropriate ; ) ) with me these past weeks. Please know I cherish you.

Dad

I love you dad. I love camping trips in Algonquin park, the way you ate the too thick powdered eggs and made me carry the canoe. I love your love of good food, good wine, good scotch, good steak. I love your curly hair and red beard, your kind sometimes so intense eyes. I love your solid hugs, your firm hand holding mine, your strength. I love the way you held my daughter so still and patient, watching her sleep.

Thank you for the long talks, though we don't always agree, for the appreciation for the delicious and the beautiful. Thank you for your love, sometimes expressed in hugs, sometimes in microwaves and TVs.

I love you dad, and I always will. You live on in me, my sisters and the eyes of my daughter that smile back at me with a spark that I know is yours.

love always,

Kitten